Handicapped by Maria Cervino

Handicapped

Usually people don’t like to be labeled as handicapped, and neither do I. However, when I tried to describe my daily life in Chicago since I arrived, this label fits me literally. This sensation started one year ago, when my husband’s work invited him to relocate to the U.S after being promoted to a higher position. We decided to come hoping that the experience would be rewarding for the whole family. On the other hand, I knew that living in the U.S would not be so easy for me, since our way of life in Brazil was very different from the American one. Besides, I never pushed myself to reach the fluency in English, although I had studied English in many times during my entire life. Deep inside, I never liked to speak English, and chose French to be my second language at school. Even though I am doing all that I can to settle down in this new way of life, once in a while I face situations which make me feel handicapped with diminished speaking, visual and hearing capabilities.

Occasionally, I have a hard time conversing, typically because I am still thinking in my own language and translating the words at the same time. It becomes worse when I have to speak in three languages simultaneously. For instance, I hired a Hispanic maid to work in my place. Conversation with her has been my speaking nightmare. One day I asked her to bake some potatoes and cover them with small pieces of parsley, saying the word in Portuguese, which is “salsa”. She translated the word into Spanish, which is “tomato sauce”, and put the dressing all over the dish. She speaks very little English, and I never studied Spanish, although as a Portuguese speaker I can understand a few words since both languages have similar roots. Fortunately, we can communicate picking out words among the three languages to improve our conversation, but the misunderstandings are unavoidable.

Shopping at the grocery store in Chicago is when I tend to lose my capacity to see and recognize things. I usually walk around the colorful aisles looking for some familiar shapes and names to choose from. For instance, here in America the products are measured in pounds and gallons, instead of kilos and litters used in my country. In fact, most of products are completely unknown and I pick some of them up hoping that my family will appreciate the American taste, which is generally much spicier in comparison to our food at home. As time goes by, and after many visits to the same store, I constructed a map inside my mind. Now, I follow the directions, in the same way as if I were blind.

Moreover, when I have to contract a home repair service to fix or install something at home is when I intensely feel my “deafness” disability. Usually these repairmen are also immigrants who speak English with a strong native accent. The accent adds another layer to my comprehension difficulty. It was funny one day when one repairman asked me if I have a ladder and I went up to my bedroom to find the service confirmation letter and gave it to him. He was very surprised and asked the same question twice until I could understand what he wanted. Another bias which interrupts our conversation comes from the difference between the ways houses are built here in comparison to the ones in Brazil. For example the interior walls in Brazil are made of brick while in the U.S the material is dry-wall. Basically, I don’t know the specific vocabulary and need to run to the dictionary to find the words to which they refer. This embarrassment also happens before the repairmen’s visit, when I have to make the appointment by phone and explain what service I need. Many times I can’t comprehend what the other person is asking, which bewilder me.

Nowadays, the sensation of being handicapped is abating. The college classes and my strong effort to overcome the daily challenges are helping me to close the gap between the two cultures. I still have a long way to go to achieve the oral and written fluency I desire and to feel and operate as if I were at home. In the move to this continent, I lost everything I cared about: my parents, my houses, my pets, my friends, my hairdresser, my gardener and my maids. This change has been one of the great challenges for me and I struggle every day to overcome it. I know I will gain much for my experience in U.S; mastering a new language, appreciating a new culture, and making new friends. However, my heart remains in Brazil.