Traditionnal Wedding

Traditional wedding

In the world, cultural events are always the most particular mark of distinction. Africa is recognized as the continent full of customs. I lived in Benin, West of Africa for many years, and I participated in some cultural events like wedding, mourning and traditional wedding. Each event has a particular meaning. According to my family, the most attractive custom is the traditional wedding, who means the engagement; which is celebrated in an amazing way. In United States, however, it is celebrated in a very simple way. Sometimes, I have nostalgia for that custom, but I have to put up with my new lifestyle. Even if I have to live in United States for long time, I will not stop remembering my own traditions; they remind me my background.

Back home, I used to hear most of time about my cousins engagement, and I was always mesmerized. My first year in United States, it seemed like the engagement is not a very particular event like in my hometown. In addition, when I talked about that custom, my friends were surprised; moreover, it sound very new for them. In order to celebrate the engagement, each family has very important rules to follow. The first step is the choice of the partner. When the young woman is ready to be engaged, she has to talk to her parents about it. She will introduce her friend to her parents, and be able to respond her parents about everything they want to know about his background. She has to wait for their approval before thinking about the engagement. Also, she must listen to her parent’s advices. On the other side, the young man will do the same thing. Both of them have to be very obedient toward the parents. In the United States, some young people do not really follow that rule. The have just to introduce their partner to their parents, not in order to get their agreement; but just because they want to honor their parents. Thus, I understood that, in United States, parents do not impact their children decision. In their opinion, their children are able to take their own resolution.

Secondly, the parents on both sides have to know each other. In order to do so, the in-laws will visit the young woman’s parents to greet them and ask for her hand. Once the parents meet each other, they have to be honest and welcome each other in the traditional way. It means that the woman will pour the water on the ground. After that step, the groom’s parents will thank the woman’s parents to accept their son, and they will ask the list of presents they would like to get. Those gifts have to be very symbolic. Two weeks after, the in-laws will come back with all the presents they asked. But at that time, the groom must not be there, only his mother, father, sisters, brothers and two uncles and aunts. It should be a big family’s party to celebrate. In America, this step is not required. The engagement is not a family event. It is just between to persons who love each other. In addition, the parents do not have to be there.

After those important steps, the next step of the engagement is about the feast. The young woman has to wear traditional dresses and jewels, and have to seat close by her brother-in-law. Everybody will sing together for her, and her brother-in-law will ask again if she would like to get married with his brother. Is she says “Yes”, he will ask the permission of the parents and put the ring on her finger. All those participating will shout, applaud and congratulate her. Just a few moments later, the man will come to greet and thank the parents; both of them will listen to the parents’ advices. They will rejoice together, dance and eat. At the end of the celebration, the groom will to his house with her fiancé. And for the first time, she will spend the night in his house. She will stay for a week. After that week, they will start preparing the wedding. Since I am in United States, I never heard about it. Even before the engagement, they can spend the night together. Once they love each other, everything is possible.

Every culture has their particular value. In addition they help us build our identity and make us feel part of a tradition. When we are abroad, we have to give value to those events, which define our identity. However, I have to respect each culture. Sometimes, it is hard to live between two cultures. But I am certain that, it is very important to be opened in order to learn. As an international student, my goal is to know more about American culture and be also proud of my own background. Even if, I do not go to my country soon, I will never lose that special part of my identity.